The Dr Phyllis Show Episode 6
by I the Dreamer
Summary: What would happen if we sat down Voldemort and Darth Vader? Are they really the two greatest villains the world has ever known? From the creator of Dr. Phyllis, join us once again in the show where everyone gets a laugh.


**The Dr. Phyllis Show Episode 6 ** Special Guests: Voldemort and Darth Vader

_(Hello and welcome back! That's right, I brought back what first made me write, the talk shows featuring our favorite Doctor as she sits down both heroes AND villains and discusses what it really means. Whatever that means. Please review if you enjoy.)_

(Applause from the audience as the screen zooms in on our own Dr. Phyllis, who is sitting in a stiff and very uncomfortable chair, plastic smile glued to her face, wearing the classic ugly suit. The director cues that the scene is live and she straightens up.)

Dr. P: Hello and Welcome back to the Dr. Phyllis Show, where your favorite heroes and villains come and talk about their problems and what it means. Tonight we have a very special tribute to the greatest villains of all time. Welcome to our He Who Must Not Be Named and The Chosen One Special starring our very own Mr. Tom Riddle and Anakin Skywalker! Give them a hand folks!

(DV and V enter from opposite sides of the stage)

Dr. P: Welcome back, Mr. Riddle,

V: Voldemort.

Dr.P: Yes of course, and Welcome Mr. Anakin Skywalker, or can I call you Annie?

DV: Darth Vader. I prefer to be called DARTH. VADER.

Dr. P: Annie it is. Mr. Riddle, I heard that you completed Anger Management, is that correct?

V: I SWEAR TO THE GHOST OF DUMBLEDORE! - I mean, yes, I did. And I prefer to be called Voldemort.

DV: Anger issues?

V: SHUT UP!- I mean, please close your mouth before I close it myself.

Dr. P: Well that's just wonderful. Now, Annie,

DV: DARTH VADER.

Dr. P: Mr. Vader, please describe your desire to dominate the galaxy. I've heard it's actually quite impressive what you've been building these past several years.

DV: Well, actually, Doctor, it's a feat of genius made of course by myself.

V: Can't hold a candle to what I do.

DV: YOU! HOW DARE YOU? -begins attempting to choke Voldemort via the force-

V: -choking- How are you doing that? -cough- quite impressive.

Dr. P: Boys boys enough of this! Mr. Vader is it really necessary to choke Mr. Riddle here?

V: -squeaking- MY NAME IS VOLDEMORT!

DV: Oh please that's not a good super villain name. Try Boris or Bruce. Something that's actually scary. Oh no, watch out for Voldemort. Sounds like a kind of cheese dip. -releases Voldemort- you're not worth my time.

Dr. P: Thank you. Now, I've heard it said that you, Mr. Riddle, in fact attempted to capture the school Hogwarts for your own world domination. Why a school?

V: -coughing and gasping- (to DV) I WILL KILL YOU FOR THIS! -takes out wand- AVADA KE-

Dr.P: (interrupting V) answer the question.

V: -sighes and puts wand to his side- It's the school of my arch nemesis, Potter and his gang of hooligans! Plus that DUMBLEDORE! Oh don't make me even get started on HIM.

DV: You mean the school headmaster? Are you serious? You plan your whole life on killing a kid and your old teacher? What a waste of time. Why don't you just control THE GALAXY?

Dr. P: It does sound a little pathetic, I must admit. Mr. Vader, Annie, please explain to us what you mean by controlling the galaxy.

DV: Well, Doctor, with the help of my Master, I-

V: You have a master?

DV: What's wrong with having a master? I'll overthrow him once the time comes but for right now he can put things in order for my new world.

V: Isn't that a little unnecessary? I mean, why don't you just do it yourself?

DV: Why don't you do it yourself? You have hundreds of minions dressed in funny masks flying around scaring people. You don't kill anyone yourself! Why don't you storm your own rebel base and kill them yourself?

V: That's not necessary when you have an army of minions. Why do you always kill off your heads of command? Isn't that a little unnecessary? Besides, you tried to kill you son!

DV: HE'S ON THE WRONG SIDE! At least I was HAPPY. What do you know about being happy?

V: Violence makes me happy.

DV: And killing children? That's okay?

V: Look in a mirror. I'm not the only murderer here.

Dr. P: Boys, boys, please, can we have a real discussion here?

(V pulls out wand and DV pulls out lightsaber, both pointed at Dr. P)

V&DV: (simultaneously) DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO!

Dr. P: (slides down in chair and gulps) Well I think it's time to go to commercial.. (as V and DV get out of chair and move closer) COMMERCIAL!

V: I'm thinking Crucio.

DV: Nah, let's just chop her hand off first and then see how likely she is to rebel.

V: You can do that?

DV: Yeah, real violence. Laser sword. No blood. Clean and violent.

V: No blood? That's no fun at all.

DV: Oh yeah? we'll see about that.

(screen goes blank as Dr. P runs off stage, being chased by V, who's casting spells, and DV, who's throwing chairs with the force)

(random tech person walks on stage)

DTP: Well, -looks at watch- That's all the time we have for today. This is the Dr. Phyllis Show, so long!

(screen begins to fade to black

DTP: Man, I've ALWAYS wanted to do that!

DTP2: HI MOM!


End file.
